Paranoia Interest Check *The Computer wants you!*


Tentacle God
Aug 12, 2010
The following is security clearance INFRARED - Cleared for all citizens.

May I be of assistance?

Sure. Why don't you tell me how this game works?

I'm sorry, citizen. That information is not available at this time.

What do you mean, it's not available?

You are not yet a Troubleshooter. Therefore your security clearance is Infrared. The rules are security clearance Red. You are not cleared to know the rules. At your service.

Huh? Most games are real eager to teach you the rules.

Not Paranoia. In Paranoia, you don't know who your friends are. You don't know who your enemies are. You don't know how your equipment works. You don't know the rules. One thing you know: everyone is out to get you.

Stay alert! Trust no one! Keep your laser handy!

Ignorance and fear; fear and ignorance. Those are our watchwords.

The thread topic says something about a computer.

The Computer is your friend! Trust The Computer.

In Paranoia, you play a Troubleshooter in service to The Computer. You are The Computer's trusted agent.

How did I get to be a Troubleshooter?

You turned in a friend for treason. He was executed for betraying The Computer. The Computer rewarded you for your loyalty.

What is a Troubleshooter supposed to do?

Your job is to root out all traitors and execute them. In other words, to find trouble... and then to shoot it.

What's a "traitor?"

A traitor is an evil and malevolent human who has betrayed his friend The Computer and seeks to destroy The Computer, humanity, Alpha Complex and life as we know it. Traitors must be unmasked and destroyed.

All mutants are traitors. They are genetical- ly imperfect. They have no place in utopia. They must be eliminated.

All members of secret societies are traitors. They belong to organizations not officially sanctioned by The Computer. They conspire against The Computer. They must be destroyed.

By the way.. you are a mutant. And a member of a secret society.

I'm a... mutant?

That's right. All Troubleshooters would be eager to unmask you as a traitor and execute you. You work with many Troubleshooters. All of them carry powerful weapons.

Let me get this straight. I'm a traitor. The punishment for treason is death. My job is to hunt down and kill traitors. I work with other people, who have the same orders. All of them want to kill me.

Not exactly. All of them want to kill traitors. They don't know you're a Commie mutant traitor.. yet.

And if they find out that I'm a mutant, they'll kill me?

They'll try. Of course, if you convict them of treason first, then they will be executed, and you may survive. Of course, false accusations of treason are themselves treason.

So I want to prove that they're traitors before they can prove that I'm a traitor. And if I don't... I die.

Precisely. Watch out! Traitors are everywhere! By the way: dead traitors cannot testify to their own innocence - or against you. It is best to shoot first and ask questions later.

Stay alert! Trust no one! Keep your laser handy!

Are you sure this is going to be fun?

Certainly, citizen! Of course it will be fun. The Computer says so, and The Computer is your friend. Can you doubt The Computer? Doubting The Computer is treason.

No! No, certainly not. If The Computer says this will be fun, then this certainly will be fun. Only a Commie mutant traitor could believe otherwise.

Excellent, citizen! You're getting the idea. You have just been promoted to security clearance Red. Welcome to Paranoia.


So yes, with the obligatory, comical introduction over, I was wondering if there would be some small interest for a possible game of Paranoia for ULMF-ers. I'm predicting a fairly zany, fun, and most probably disastrous game to be run likely on IRC at a time convenient for interested players.

A good troubleshooting team has six persons on it, so that's what I'd be looking for. This being ULMF, the game can have ero in it, though it will probably be comical in nature. In fact, I was planning on calling this game "Trouble in ERO sector."

Since knowing the rules is treasonous, Friend Computer will conveniently alleviate players of the burden of number crunching and randomly provide you with a Clone identity, complete with useful FUN skills. You may, if you desire, provide a desired name and gender, but the rest I'll handle.

Any takers?

Please address all questions to Friend Computer. At your service.


Lord of the Tap Dance \oO.Oo/ (And Reputation Mana
Staff member
Nov 24, 2008
Re: Paranoia Interest Check *The Computer wants you!*

I'm most definitely interested, but I'm not sure I have the time.


Former Moderator
Nov 10, 2008
Re: Paranoia Interest Check *The Computer wants you!*

I fucking LOVE Paranoia. I am definitely interested.


Tentacle God
Aug 12, 2010
Re: Paranoia Interest Check *The Computer wants you!*

Query: Would you prefer to play on IRC in a chat room, or would you be okay with a Play by Post format?

I have a preference for IRC, but some have already said that IRC would prevent them from playing. I will hold off my reasoning until after hearing from interested players.